Vanessa at Modern Family Next Door: On Joy, Struggle and the Love of Parenting

April 21, 2024

“Being a good parent depends on how much work you put into yourself.” The mom of three shares with us her lessons learned from parenting, the struggles she’s encountered within her two-mom, interracial family, and the overwhelming joy she gets from seeing happiness in her children.

Vanessa, tell us about you:

We are a two-mom interracial family! We have 3 kids Axel, Lexa, and Arthur. We love food, travel, and the outdoors!

Tell us about how and why you created your brand:

Our page sort of just happened. We began sharing our lives to meet other families like ours and it evolved from there!

What did becoming a mom look like for you?

Becoming a mom was a journey! For women like me, becoming a mom is a process. It involves a lot of doctor visits, medication, and patience.

What helps you enjoy the journey - especially on the hard days?

On the hard days, I try to reflect on all the shots, medication, and doctor visits and it makes those hard motherhood days easier.

How does Matrescence’s Mission to “mother the mother” resonate with you as a mom? As a brand?

We need more of this, especially for new (gay) moms! When my wife and I had our son, we struggled so much. Motherhood is difficult, especially when you feel like you have no support or feel unable to ask for help. With our son, we felt like we couldn't ask for help because we "chose" this. My wife's family lived close but weren't supportive of us then, and my family, which was supportive of us, lived far away. It was such an isolating time!

What is your favorite part about motherhood? What is the most challenging part?

My favorite thing about motherhood is seeing my kids happy! I know it sounds so cliche, but because I had such a tumultuous childhood seeing those moments of pure joy and innocence in them makes motherhood so worth it. Not to mention that it is also so healing for me.

What is the best advice you received about parenting and who did you get it from?

Being a good parent depends on how much work you put into yourself, so we have and continue to do the work through therapy and self-reflection. We can now say sorry to our kids when we've reacted in ways we aren't proud of and can regulate our own emotions. As a result, our kids are learning these vital tools from us, instead of years later in therapy lol. Jory and I have learned this advice from each other.

What struggles have you encountered in finding balance? How do you navigate them?

Work, the kid's activities, spending time with those we love, school, cleaning, chores, errands, it can all be so much. If the house is a mess, but we haven't spent time with each other, we forego cleaning and spend our time with those we love - cleaning can wait. We make sure to take care of the parts that aren't replaceable, then tend to what is. It doesn't always work out that way, but we try to prioritize time with each other when we can.